The US Geological Service

For immediate release: 7-3-2008

Subject: 90 billion Barrels of oil and 1,670 trillion cubic feet of Natural Gas Assessed in the Artic

(transcript of the newsconference follows September 13, 2008 100 pm)

Hello, I am BP jr of the USGS, you have

-excuse me. Andrew Revkin New York Times. Your paper says “for immediate release, July 3 2008” and today is September 13, would you care to comment? Huh?

BP jr -thank you Mr. Revnik, in geological time, 2 months is a drop in the bucket.

You have all been

-Me Me Me. Denise Gellens Los Angeles Times? Yes. thank you. I notice throughout your reports the USGS continues to use the aniquated form of measure the English Unit. What do you think this says to our European Allies that once again we throwing American hegenomy in their faces by refusing to adapt our measures to those units that the majority of the rest of the world that matters is using in their everyday lives? How do you think it makes them feel? Really?

Small children included.

BP jr- thank you Ms. Gellens. The report is in the form of standard scientific notation that relevant international organizations would find comfortable to read. It is probably written above the level of most small children.

You have all been given

-thank you for calling on me. Juliet Eiperin, Washington Post. THE Washington Post. uh huh.

that’s correct. When all else is said and done, and the billions and billions and billions of barrels of oil have been extricated from the pristine environnment and the land has been raped and plundered; what is going to have happened to that smallest and most delicate of god’s creature:

the wood frog? What plans have you made to salvage even the smallest part of his environment?

WHAT are you going to DO!?

BP jr- thank you Ms. Eiperin. As it is my understanding that wood frogs are fundamental to the diet of caribou, I would anticipate we will be feeding them to the deer.

If I may continue: You have all been given a packet

-Right. If I have to come down here you’ll damn well answer my questions. Antonio Regelado.

WSJ. Would you care to elaborate on your relation to ‘Big Oil’ as it applies to the exploitation of our national resources in relation to stable commodity pricing, FIFO, LIFO and what the FO and venture capitalism’s inherent instability when dealing with the possible current extraction technology problems drilling in reallyreallyreally cold weather and why are the initials in your name the same as “british petroleum”. BP.? quickly now, I’m on deadline. ticktock, ticktock.

BP jr- FO indeed Mr. Regelado

One last time, You have all been given a packet with relevant information

-I’m really sorry. Elizabeth Weise, USA today. This isn’t the Bernstein bar mitzvah?

BP jr-Down the hall and to the left dear.

Thank you and goodbye.

sept 13, 2008