Strike call

From the desk of: Alan Rosenberg

President, National Board of Directors

Screen Actors Guild

Strike call


Once again we are being pushed to the precipice of disaster

by the scabberous fools of the AMPTP, who seek nothing

more than to dance naked intoxicated drinking in the last

drops of those few ounces of sweat and blood that remain

as ours from the wellspring of our souls still to own.

We will soon be requesting from you, those loyal to the cause

and the footsoldiers on the frontlines and from whom we

gain both our strength and spiritual sustanance; to come

back and vote your resolution to stop those who attack the

basis of our liveliehood which will lead to the total

destruction of a way of life that we all hold dear.

We are now approaching the final battlefield of that great

war. Testing wether this union, or any union, so concieve

and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created

equal shall go forth or languish on this Earth.

As part of that vote, we are asking you, each of you, to

go out and explain to everyone, how important excellence

in acting and stagecraft is to the safety and daily life

of every single American. The statistics make it clear:

-after a hard day at work, you come home to watch a comedy

that does not exhibit the finely honed craft and deliverance

of a professional, UNION, SAG actor/actress. To put it

bluntly, IT FAILS TO AMUSE. This leads to an increase in

pent up frustration and a significant increase in domestic

violence and abuse. Children suffer from not being able to

talk about anything but “reality shows” the next day at

school and so school work suffers. Society descends into

a vortex of choleric sanguinity and civilization evaporates

like the mist in the morning.

-poorly lit or poorly crafted sets lead to people leaning

in farther to the television, increased eye strain and

resulting headaches. Insominic behavior affects work routine,

increased sick days, once again leading to the vortex of

melancholic sanguinity and civilization evaporating like the

mist in the morning.

-other professionals, like doctors and lawyers, have nowhere

to turn for stress relief. Alcohol and drugs become the norm

as the thrill of other illegal activities such as fraternizing

with protistutes grows stale, and once again, society

descends into the vortex of phlegmatic sanguinity and

civilization evaporates like the mist in the morning.

Please impress on all friends and loved ones the importance

of keeping only qualified, trained, professionals on the

“screen”. The places where society has not advanced to this

level yet, like China, the former Soviet Union, and repressive

regimes in the Middle East and former Yugoslavia; should be bell

weathers of what happens when, not organizations, but bastions

of freedom, liberty and democracy AS ARE WE are not allowed or

encouraged to grow and flourish.

For the sake of us all, please vote “strike” on the next ballot.


nov 22, 2008

intelligence chatter

CIA: Security concerns are keeping Usama bin Laden from being

as proactive as he has been in the past. A fiercly anticipated

video in light of the new US presidential elections and the

apparent swing in sentiment in the US has not yet come to light.

CIA Pakistan Bureau Chief “Binky” Shabut Binkleman

(email: [email protected]) reports that the two known Al Quada

video studios have been under surviellance.

“We know who and what we’re looking for. We have reports that

Usama is travelling in disguise and going by the name ‘Ursula’.

It’s not something our Al Quada informants like to talk about,

but apparently it’s getting more difficult to get Usama out of

the burka. He’s starting to cry out and cover whenever a man

enters his room. Maybe that’s why we haven’t seen any recent videos?”

CSIS: What could be tipping the “centrifuge to the boiling point” is

the apparent completion of the first batch of enriched iranium.

“Distilled from the very souls of the anguish of the oppression

of our peoples” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stated

that this little known element was now the centerpiece of his

nations hopes and ambitions.

Both American and Isreali intelligence assets are frantically

engaged in trying to find any information on this new element.

Comment from American intelligence assets consisted of

one “hrumph” and several “guffaws”.

nov 14, 2008

Secret transcripts of meeting between President GW Bush and President-elect Barak Obama in the Oval Office

GW- come on in an have a seat Barak, I can call you Barak can’t I.

Call me George.

whoa, you don’t want to sit on that part of the couch.

that’s where Bill had his “pizza delivered” so to speak.

B- Thanks for being so kind to Michelle and me.

I know I was hard during the campaign, but take what I said

about you in the spirit of solid campaigning.

GW- That’s fine, I don’t watch much on TV anyway.

They didn’t mention anything about a “stargate” to you during your top secret

briefing, did they? No? They haven’t told me anything either.

You know, one of the most important things you have to do

when take on this office is…

rrrrrrring. one minute while I get the phone.

“Hi, go ahead. ……. Whoa, they did what…

got to give em credit for cojones don’t you. well, one second”.

Barak, your going to inherit this garbage, the Iraaanians are being idiots.

Should I nuke ’em, your call son?

B- uh, not right now.

GW- right, the ‘news cycle’ thing. I got ya. “Hi General.

Tell Dick to send him another box of ties. Yeah the clip on ones.

Tell him to get the one’s with Mickey Mouse on them,

that should really piss that Achminejadad off!”

B- ties?

GW- Yeah, that Iranian President never wears a suit with a tie.

Looks sloppy.

Not Presidential.

So whenever he does something stupid, instead of going Reagan on

his ass, I send him a box of ties with a note inside.

B- a note?

GW- yeah, heh. “the next time it may not be ties”

B- well, I think my saying will be “instead of going Bush on his ass”

GW- well, that’s what legacy’s are all about aren’t they.

We only got hit once on my watch.

Hopefully your successor will not have to “go Obama” on anybody.

B- Point taken.

GW- yo. Do you know you can get tickets to just about

anything with this job. Free. good seats seats too.

end transcript.

nov 13,2008

The iREPORT fact check team:

whoa man, check this out, one of our own says GW Bush has DIED, and they have video!!

-mongo wow dude. Who’s this Bushy guy?

-woaow. they say he’s-the-president-of-the-united-states—.

-a moment of silence please.


Isn’t Dick somebody the pres?

-I do believe you’re correct fellow fact-chequer.

-BOMB, this potential eye catching video goes into the trash can. crunch!

-remember last month when they snuk Steve Jobs by us?

-yes, an untimely and unsatisfactory con Job.

-shall we stop there?

-I do believe so.

nov 9, 2008


Bill and Hillary:

“Hillary come on to bed, it’s after 3 o’clock”

Barak and Michelle:

“It’s after 3 o’clock?, let’s let the kids stay up a little bit later”

Joe Biden:

“I’m not a Senator any more mom.”


“dear diary: we’re getting a new puppy!!!!”

nov 4, 2008