Dear Ayman

Occassionally Millards blog is hijacked and personnel notices from government and terror organizations are posted, Millard apoligizes for that. Though Millard has many contacts made throughout his many years of ****** (pursuant to non disclosure agreements Millard cannot talk about prior work experience with any goverment) he has never considered himself a conduit for dissemination of information.

Many people (with the exception of Roger Clemens) have complete faith in Millards brand of Journalistic Integrity, to wit, the following correspondence was sent to Millard for posting:

At the end of the last Gregorian year, Al-Qaida informed the West that Ayman al-Zawahri would be willing to answer questions put forward to him in writing. In an effort to soften the harsh approach that decadent and corrupt Western journalist have taken and provide a true, unadulterated rendering of the Commanders remarks, Ayman al-Zawahri will answer those questions and post them here.

Question 1:

Dear Ayman,

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no such thing as Al -Qaida. Papa says “if you see it in Millard Bunson, it‘s so“. Please…

Little Susie, America USA.

Dear Susie:

Yes there is an Al-Qaida. There are many stories as to how we arrived; many are false.

We did not begin with several of us sitting around a Scrabble board and Osama spelling out ALQAIDA using all his letters on a triple word score, then swearing on the Koran that it was a word. (though when we play, Osama does bring his own ‘dictionary’). As with all groups, it evolved as myself and other like minded evolutionaries grew more enraged at the world around us.

Growing up as a child, and seeing American television, my friends and I first organized ourselves into the group, the “MAD ARABS”. Everyone now knows this group stood for









Playing as a youngster in the streets of Encino (not Cairo as some have suggested) and hearing the taunts of “big nose, big nose” after the morning cartoon shows set us on our jihadi paths. We never ran a successful operation as most of the members just thought it would be a “neat way to meet girls”. We gradually broke apart going our separate ways. This experience though did help us learn the importance of organizational structure, promotional material and uniforms (we learned that wearing a thobe/dress in Encino will get you beat up a lot).

The second true iteration of our Jihadi souls came when the Brotherhood of Allah and my group, the Islamic “Fun” guys (it was the 70’s) combined to become the ill fated Balsamic Underground.

The 1980’s were a turbulent time: trying to find glasses that fit and looked cool at the same time. The Botox in the lips was a really bad idea, and I’ve never really liked the turban thing.

In the 1990’s, financially struggling, it is true I came back to the United States and tried to get on as a contestant in several game shows. The closest I ever got was in the audience of the “Price is Right”. I realized at that moment there were more important things in my future as I KNEW the combined price of the washer/drier was $1235!!! and it was the person NEXT to me who was called to “come on down”.

The brief history of Al-Qaida will continue with part 2.