Bomber Blows it, ‘con’ fused

Lockerbie Bomber dies at 60: The family and friends of the late Abdel Baset al-Megrahi wish to thank everyone whom participated in last nights wake and tribute to Abi “BOOM-BOOM” al-Megrahi, as he was affectionately known to family and friends. The evening kicked off with the traditional eulogizing of the deceased by friends and coworkers, largely attended and the first two rows of attendance (traditionally known as ‘the splash zone’) populated by dozens of excited children waiting for that special moment when the speaker would spontaneously blow himself up with a shout of “ALLAH AKBAR!”. “It seemed like it took forever for the first blow up, and the kids thought they were going to be disappointed, but after the first one, yep, they just got on a roll. It was pretty messy, but you know what. It was a good kind of mess.” said family member Baber “three finger” ibn al-Megrahi. Cousin Haji then did a cover of that 1969 classic “It don’t martyr to me” to the delight of everyone in the audience. After a few rounds of frenetic “Allah Akbar”ing, the children were rounded up and sent to bed. (Quite a few “Mommy, can’t we stay and watch just one more blow up? Pleaeeeeeeeeease?” were heard to the amusement of everyone, but the parents were strict and the little ones were sent to another room for milk and dates and then bed.) Next came the thundering and thoughtful sermon from the Grand Mufti himself, Abdul-aZeez ibn Abuubah Aal ash ibn Al-Saud Al Shaikh. Of great concern to everyone attending was the possibility of Abdel failing as a Martyr and himself not receiving the reward attributed to Martyrs in the Hadith. (Cousin Bawb, the know it all, had been telling everyone that “according to Abu Bakr Al-Arabee from Abu Ya’laa, if you fail to achieve true Martyrdom, you’ll still get the 72 virgins, but they won’t be very pretty and kind of fat”). The Mufti addressed that “GHARIB! GHARIB!” at which point in a very loud whisper Uncle Basir slapped cousin Bawb upside the head saying “dufus!” A lot of “Allah Akbar”ing followed, 2 beautiful blow ups in the parking lot on the way out, and the service was over. Posted on Facebook (please ‘friend’ me) Majaah Tirmidhi

may 23, 2012