Special Briefing

Senior Administration Officials

Washington D.C.

Shawwal 3, 1434

Moderator: thank you all for joining us on this call. For all the regulars, please note we have changed the teleconference number so we should NOT be mistaken any more for the ‘Home shopping Network’. Number 2, please note that in the spirit of international ecumenism we are listing this briefing under the Hijri date of Shawwal 3, 1434.

First question, Mr. Montoya.

“Ecumenism, you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

Moderator: Inconceivable. Next question. Ms. Gearan?

“Anne Gearan, Washington Post. Hi. Is it true that State has been referring to the hiatus in US Russian relations as “we’re taking a Snow Day”.

Moderator: Senior administration official one, do you want to take this one?

“sure. Its August, you can’t take a snow day in August. I’m sure you can’t. No.”

Moderator: Next question, Nicole Gaouette, Bloomberg News?

“Nicole Gaouette here. Hi. Could you explain States response to the Presidents assertion that the Russians are a ‘backward thinking’ people? I believe State said “I think your Putin’ words in the Presidents mouth.”

Moderator: I’ll take this. I agree, I don’t think you can take a snow day in August.

Next question. Mr. Gordon, New York Times.

“Michael R Gordon, New York Times. Hello. Apparently the future of the Geneva 2+2 is in jeopardy because the Russians are insisting that Iran be allowed to attend? Is it true that some accommodation is being made to exchange Justin Bieber for Iran?

Moderator: finally a serious question. Thank you. Yes, the fondness of the Russians for Justin Bieber  is well known, and State is in discussion with the UN and Justin to facilitate a successful accommodation.

Next question, Margaret Warner. PBS Newshour.

“HI everybody, Margaret Warner. PBS Newshour. Hi. Mr. Moderator, nuclear weapons? What will happen without, I mean, what about, think of the children!”

Moderator: Senior administration official three, would you take this please?

Senior administration official three: of course Moderator. Margaret, the President deeply and sincerely feels your pain. He too wants a world free from the devastating effects of nuclear weapons and often, after he and Michelle put their two little girls to bed they sit in their kitchen, the peoples kitchen as a matter of fact, and talk about their fears for their little girls future, the environment, the economy, what will they have when they are old enough to have families of their own. And Margaret, the answer is always the same, I hate to put it this way and in this language, but it’s not the Russians, it’s not the Islamists, it’s the darn Republicans and the legacy of Bush.

Moderator: thank you senior administration official three.

Lets see, we have time for one more, uh, on the line is Justin Fiskel of Fox news, so let’s go to Josh Rogin the Daily Beast. Josh:

“Yo, Josh Rogin, the Daily Beast. Back to Snowden, why man, why?”

Moderator: First Josh, it’s the duty

Josh:(HE SAID DOODY, snicker,snicker)

Moderator: DUTY Josh, DUTY of the democratically elected government of these United States to enforce the laws that keep its people safe and secure. Number two

Josh: (HE SAID NUMBER TWO, snicker,snicker)

Moderator: gee, in the second place, heck. Justin, are you still on the line? Justin Fiskel, Fox news.

“Justin Fiskel, Fox News Reporting: Sir, please note that even though we are teleconferencing and you can’t see me, I am standing up to address you and even though I would never ever vote for one of your ‘ilk’, I address you with the respect your experience and office deserve. My question: What would that godless hypocrite Putin have to do to make our pansy President crawl back to the table and unilaterally disarm my country and sell us out to the wolves?

Moderator: Senior administration official one, two, three? We all agree Justin.

You can’t take a snow day in August.

thank you and good by.

aug 10, 2013