Taliban, for immediate release

Taking a page from American entrepreneurs, the Taliban Tuesday stated that its suicide bombers would attack western restaurants in 30 minutes or less. On special orders the suicide bombing would be available for home delivery too.

This new marketing strategy could be the work of mastermind Mullah Abdullah, including the attempt to monopolize the “suicide bomber” niche market in Kabul with new mass marketing campaigns, snazzy new uniforms and coupons offering “2 for 1 specials” .

Said Abdullah “We’re going for the youth market in a big new way. We offer double the number of virgins as any other martyr group, and thanks to our new association with “fatwa’s R us”, all of our members can be assured that everything we do is in line with strict Quaranic dogma.”

As Kabul only has about a half dozen restaurants popular with westerners, Mullah Abdullah remarked “it takes a while to get marketing going, and with only 6 western restaurants we wouldn’t be able to get the impact we needed before they were all blown up. It’s unfortunate, but it looks like we’ll have to blow up 2 or 3 dozen local establishments to get the full impact of trashing the western haunts.” But he added “I hope this doesn’t stop Afgans from going out and supporting the local economy.”

jan 15, 2008