M Jean-Claude Mallet, Conseil d’Etat

Progress Report on White Paper “State of Defense, Must we be Offensive?”


“you will assess what is necessary for the credibility of our deterrent force…”

M le President,

It is my pleasure to at this time review what we have accomplished in response to Le Presidential Mandate of July 31, 2007. Myself, and Le Minister of Defense, M. Herve Morin, have, while in the process of becoming quite infatuated with each other, have arrived at a unique and totally French way of at one time building National esteem and a defense force par excellence.

To take that famous French phrase “the clothes make the man”, we have taken it one step farther into the realm of “the clothes make Le Armee (or more specifically, Le Armee de Terre, Le Marine Nationale, Le Armee de l’Aire & Le Gendarmerie).”

We plan on recommending that a fifth branch of the Le Armed Forces be created, “Le Tailluer de Republic”. With an estimated personnel strength of almost 800,000, and the 3rd largest military expenditures in the world, M Morin and I suggest that the most pragmatic way of approaching personnel and fiscal responsibility would be to create a new motto for the Le Armies de France: “if we look good, we won’t have to fight”. (While we are all proud of the role that Le Armies France have played in the history of the world, truthfully we have had our greatest success’ against former colonies and our own former Aristocrats. While it is quite probable that we could beat the Italians with one hand tied behind our backs, they are not likely to attack us any time soon).

An unofficial poll that we took showed us that 25% of all young people under the age of 30 liked the idea of Fashion design, and that rose to 40% when Fashion design was incorporated with a military career.

It is even possible that this fifth “estate” may even win the designation of Haute Couture, which of course would make Le Armee both feared AND respected. The ’ready to wear’ and knockoffs licensing alone would allow the Minister to reimburse to Le Treasury an estimated 15% of total budget .

The full report follows.

M Mallet.

jan 19, 2008