1- flex scheduling will no longer be an option for our suicide bombers. Besides everyone choosing Tuesday for some reason, some people were signing up for three different days.
And PLEASE, calling in sick, even with a note from your doctor is NOT AN EXCUSE for missing your appointment. Also, we keep on getting questions about vacation time accrual; if you want to think your getting vacation time, by all means then you are. The same answer for the “401K” questions.
2- Apparently a study was done that shows the carbon footprint from suicide bombers has reached the same level of climate effect as all the methane presently being discharged by all the sheep in Australia and New Zealand. This has lead to very strained relations to some of our biggest sympathizers (such as Bono and Al Gore) so in an effort to be more environmentally friendly and responsible PLEASE: Ride a horse or camel to your bombing site. Carpool whenever possible. Explode only what you need to, don’t be frivolous or “show offy”, be aware of secondary explosions that might produce large conflagrations. To help this along, HAMAS, along with our Iranian and Saudi friends, will be buying ‘carbon offsets’ and giving that information to the press.
3- And finally, a note from our political wing “Hello, in the spirit of ecumenism and brotherly love, the Catholics over at the Deir Al Latin Catholic Church will be having a bingo party Saturday afternoon. We ask that you please do not blow it up. Please stop by though for tea, cookies and dates if you would like.”
jan 22, 2008