Heaven: Corporate headquarters
Office of God.
Oh, hello Sir, would you have a seat.
Sure Jeanine, thank you.
(intercom) God, Jesus is here, your 10 o’clock.
(static) I know Jeanine, send him in please.
Jeanine- God is always so nice
(louder) I can hear you Jeanine.
Jeanine- (whispering) except on Mondays
(whispering) I can still hear you Jeanine!
Jeanine- Jesus, do you know how long it’s been since I’ve got a raise?
NOW he can’t hear me.
(I heard that)
Please send Jesus in Jeanine.
Jeanine- please go in, obviously he’s in one of his moods.
(the sound of thunder outside)
Jeanine- I HEARD THAT!
(Jesus goes into Gods office, shakes his hand and sits down)
God-thanks for coming in (intercom) Jeanine, please hold all my calls,
and (God winks at Jesus ‘watch this’) can you get us some coffee, 2
double Whip expresso and a couple of cheese Danish please?
(Jeanine walks in with 2 cups of chamomile tea and 2 bran muffins.)
Don’t want to be a role model, then don’t be God.
I’ll hold your calls Sir.
God looks at her as she walks out of the office and closes the door.
Well, I think it’s time we start planning for your second coming.
God-Just want to start throwing some ideas around, get a feel for what you think.
Well, what do you think?
Jesus-first, no manger, no barn. I do not want to see a cow outside of Mcdonalds.
God- gotcha. No Charlie Brown Christmas this time.
Jesus-but we can keep Vince Guaraldi.
Jesus-Second, I think skipping the whole child-adolescent thing works this time.
Don’t want people to get wrapped up on parenting and growth issues. “he can’t be Jesus, would Jesus have 2 daddies?” “how can he be well rounded with 2 dozen brothers and sisters”, “is he a male, do you have trans feelings, have you ever kissed a boy. Have you ever kissed a girl…”
They would turn me into a reality show and I don’t want to be a part of “Jesus meets the Kardashians”
God- go on.
Jesus-We got the message out, we just need to reinforce it. “all you need is love” , buh buh dum dum da da.
Any chance on getting the rights back on that?
Jesus- have you talked with-
God-I can call anybody, but you know as well as I that I can’t make them pick up the phone.
God- ‘true dat’?
“I gotta rap,
Cause it is my time,
I’m Jesus Christ
An I can bust a rhyme!”
I got a lot more street than I was before.
God- yead. tell you what, you work up a facebook page. Get a twitter account.
Think about message and what I can do to help.
Remember we can’t cheat and we have to play by the rules.
Jesus-(smiling) and that includes…?
God- yeah, we can put something on Netflix.
Jesus- you the man. Get back together in about a week?
God (intercom) Jeanine, could you put Jesus on the book for next week. We can make it a lunch.
(aside: it’ll get me out and I know this great little Italian place).
Jeanine- yes sir, and your 11 o’clock is here.
God- oh hell.
Jesus- that bad?
God-huh, no no no. it’s hell. My 11 o’clock.
Jesus-hat off to the man in charge.
God-get out of here son.
Send him in Jeanine.
To be continued…