A message to the faithful from Abu Bakr
(Now? is that thing on? Which one? The red light, do I look at the red light? HMMMMN, Okay)
“message to the faithful Abu Bakr, take one. GO!”
To the umma (pppppphhhht!)
Abu baby, come on!
That was NOT me.
Okay, again “message to the faithful Abu Bakr, take two. GO!”
Huh? Could somebody turn a fan on?
Somebody get a fan on set!
Let’s try it again, “message to the Yada, Yada, Yada. Take 36. Go”
To the umma,…
And so, many of you are asking “how do I go to Jihad”.
(In line commentary from the Director and Producer: Historically we know that the Prophet Mohammed went to Jihad on a pretty regular schedule. While he had up to 11 wives total, historically it is known that only 2 of them were really “hot” [peace be upon them], and the rest were a mixture of political matches and at least one pity marriage. The Prophet [peace be upon him] did suck it up and rotated his nights among all his wives, but he did start getting revelations from Allah at certain times telling him to go and Jihad. Several of his wives did start complaining, but when you’re told “Argue with Allah, go ahead, I can wait” there’s not a lot you can do. Let’s get back to Abu)
We put up a little u-tube vid showing how NOT to go to Jihad:
-a young man is sitting on the couch, playing video games and drinking a soda. You hear laser shots being fired as the young man shouts “gotcha!”
He puts the video game on pause and yells out” MOM, can I go and Jihad!!!?”
NO, it’s almost supper!
“MOM, all the other kids are going on Jihad!!!”
So if Harvey Epstien jumped off the bridge you would want to jump off the bridge too?
“MOM, but it’s one of the five pillars!”
You can practice your pillars by taking your video game down to the mosque and donating it for zakath?
“MOM that’s not fair.”
And who am I?
Video game gets taken off pause, the sound of laser fire and explosions in the background.
The video game goes on pause again.
“MOM, can I get some new shoes”
Fade to black.
Fade to open:
-a young man it sitting in a mud built hut …
(continue In line commentary from the Director and Producer: as we see the correct way to ask about Jihad, the problem does become “what do I wear”, “what do I bring”, “is there going to be wi-fi”, “are there going to be girls”, okay, let’s get back to Abu now).
Abu- And so we see that following in his footsteps is the correct way to begin your Jihadi path.
So, come on down. We’ll see you here!
Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar…
(from July 2014, on loan from ISofIandtheL)