Department of State combined press Briefs

State Department

Washington D.C.

July 29/30 2013

Jen Psaki

Transcript

11pm start:

Jen: mm. mmm. mmmm. mmmmm-hmm.

hm-mm. mm. hmmm.

hm. hm. hm. hm.

(1134 pm) mm-mmmm.

Millard: sorry to interrupt Jen, but could I ask a question?

Jen: hmmm? huh. oh, yes. thank you all for being here. goodbye.

(general laughter).

Jen: what’s your itch Millard?

Millard: on the subject of iftar dinner?

will the Secretary be meeting the President, the President the Secretary, the Secretary the Secretary the Prime minister and the President, the Prime Minister the Secretary the Vice President the Ambassador and the Secretary with the Ministers? Or will it technically be more of a supper. Is there an iftar supper? Or is it just dinner?

Jen: good question Millard. Ever since last years fiasco over the cheese basket, Ambassador Indyk  has been a necessary fixture at these affairs. His knowledge of table etiquette and place settings has already averted several possible diplomatic crisis’, and I am referring to the ‘salad fork’ incident.

Matt (interrupting): Jen, is it true that Vice President Biden specifically asked for the Ambassador because quote” damn if that **** is going to fork this up again exclamation point unquote”?

(general snickering)

Jen: Matt, all I’ll say is that the Ambassador’s encyclopedic knowledge of cutlery amongst other things is what has enjoined the Presidents full trust and confidence. Next Question.

Millard: States reaction to the Manning trial?

Jen: As the verdict is coming out right now we have not had time to formulate a rationale, reasoned

Matt (interrupting): the verdict just came out on wiki-leaks would you

Jen (interrupting): even with the verdict JUST out State has not had time to formulate a

Matt (interrupting): wiki-leaks just posted State departments response to the verdict. Do you have a comment?

Jen: What! no. there is no

Matt (interrupting): WOW. wiki-leaks just posted your response and I must say that requires a little more clarification. Would you care to clarify and comment?

Jen: NO. We have

Matt (interrupting): well after reading the wiki-leaks  response I don’t know why you just didn’t say so in the first place.

Millard: Hmm-mmmm…

july 31, 2013

25 “dangerous” terrorists were freed by Taliban sympathizers from a prison in Dera Ismail Pakistani, as part of a well planned and timed operation that appeared to be a perfect copy of the recent “pink panther” prison breakout from a Swiss prison just recently. Shahidullah Shahid, Taliban spokesman for the Dera Ismaili Pakistani region of the “long lost and dangerous tribal region of the Talibani” acknowledged that the initial idea for the prison break was the successful operation at the Orbe  complex in Switzerland. “I must say we tried to plan the whole thing out, but it really just ended up with a ‘lets meet at 11’ twitter feed, it was ‘byob’ (bring your own bomb) and we just had fun with it” “I would also like to take a moment and point out for special mention the ‘dera ismaili Pakistani Allah Ahkbar grandstanders and glee club’. They always show up for every occasion and never disappoint!”

In addition to the 25 “dangerous” terrorist, approximately 230 other prisoners were also released. Most of the other prisoners, according to sources speaking on condition of anonymity, were low level parking offenders (while there are few cars in the ‘long lost and dangerous tribal regions’, it appears that there is an unwritten law about not leaving your donkey, ox or camel in the same place for over 6 hours, and a hadith of uncertain origins on ‘if you make it you take it’ ).

credit: sources

july 30, 2013